Adrift: 2.07

Feeling adrift is hard

Circling around inside yourself

Watching your friends run, bounce and stride through life- taking it by control while you

Drift

Drift

Drift

Away with the current, helpless to stop the ebb and flow of the world, just waiting for it to stop.

STOP.

Sometimes I feel like screaming; “someone just tell me what to do!”

But no one does.

Life, like always, is up to me.

My decision, my choice.

It’s been left up to me to decide what missing piece will make me stop spinning into the abyss, flying, streaming through the air with no tether.  

While I support the sentiment of my gifted autonomy, the reality is harder to choke down when I have no idea what direction my life should be turning in

Left, right

Up, down

Is there anyone who even knows which path they should be on, which journey to take?

Or, maybe, is everyone secretly as vulnerable as I am;

watching their family crumble beneath them and their friends silently, thoughtfully slip away into their new lives?

My Ariana Grande experience + concert

On Thursday 18^th May 2017, my best friend, Tegan, and I travelled to Birmingham to see Ariana Grande in concert at The Genting Arena. This was the first time that I had seen Ariana live, however I can confidently say that it will not be the last. I have been listening to her music ever since I watched her for the first time on Victorious on the Disney Channel when I was in my early teens, and it is safe to say that I have been a fan ever since then. That is not to say, however, as if her music hasn’t changed in the last 5 or so years, even, on the contrary, it has grown and progressed just as she has. This is important, some artists get stuck in what once worked for them and has pleased the public in the past, but despite the controversy that comes with it Ariana has clearly stuck to her own mind as hasn’t tried to create a public perception that she is anyone other than who she is. Instead of pretending that she is still the squeaky-cute, baby faced Disney teen star that she used to be, Ariana, and her music, have transformed into the new face of pop, creating her latest album filled with sweet ballads, such as ‘Moonlight’, and dramatic hits, such as ‘Leave Me Lonely’. This delicate mix of emotions and a new transparency of female sexuality brings her music into the new age of feminism and fearlessness. She takes no pains to hide the physicality of adult relationships and stands strong in the face of criticism of this. Despite complaints from parents of younger children, this vulnerability is important for many young women watching and listening as it sends a much-needed message to women and girls everywhere; we do not need to be ashamed.

This theme was evident throughout her show within her tour artwork behind her whilst she was performing, displaying the strong message- “Not Asking For It”. Labelling the female form as ‘divine’ and ‘strong’ creates an oxymoron that is becoming more and more commonly used in reference to women. I could already feel a change within myself whilst watching this display of feminism and self-confidence, I was becoming more confident instantly. I, similarly to many women and young girls everywhere, feel an intense pressure within society to be constantly pretty, always soft and to care about the others’ opinions towards me, however at the same time I am told that caring about my appearance makes me shallow, being soft makes me compliant and the cause of my own victimisation, and caring about what other people think of me turns me into someone vain and weak. I am aware that I have an enormous amount of privilege, being Caucasian and from a fairly well-off, supportive family and I know that I will never be able to understand the situations of people of colour, particularly women of colour, those from low-income backgrounds or anyone that has truly been a victim of our society to horrific ends, however I am always aware of how lucky I am and will always fight for the rights of the voiceless. This, however, does not mean that women everywhere do not need a voice; we do. Through her show, and general acts of acceptance and rebellion against injustices within society, Ariana gives us that voice. No matter who you are, no matter where you are or what you believe, no one ever ‘asks for it’. A seemingly obvious fact, this is often overlooked and victims of crime, especially sexual assault, are often told that they are the cause of the hate acted out upon them. This is simply not the case. I, and everyone, am divine, but I am also strong. We will not be defeated or shamed. 

Whilst Ariana’s actions may appear almost insignificant, a drop in the ocean almost, simply speaking out against hate using only love is immeasurable. When I began writing this post, I was on a high from one of the best nights of my life. I was so extraordinarily happy and I truly didn’t believe that I could admire Ariana Grande any more than I did. I was wrong. After last week’s Manchester attack my admiration and faith in this singer has reached levels that I never believed that it could. Despite thankfully not being present at the attack it still reduced me to tears. No-one should ever go to a concert and not expect to come home. I don’t want to stray too much into the reasoning behind the attack, as I do not know it (or believe that it was anything other than hate), however I believe that it is important that it is discussed. This crime was solely an act of terror and the motive behind it is simple; hate. The aim was to drive us apart and we cannot sit back and let that happen. Knowing this does not make it any easier to deal with, but the way in which to face terror such as this is to emerge stronger. Now, more than ever, we need to come together and accept each other for who we all are. Despite the opinions of some, Islam and the Muslim community were not, and are not, to blame. This is a religion of peace and we need to band together to support them in this terrifying time. No matter who you are, who you love, where you come from or what you believe, we need to be a community, not warring nations.

I will never forget the extraordinary concert that I attended nor the feelings of strength, confidence or fearlessness that it inspired in me, but moreover I will never forget those who suffered for this. The thing that has most inspired me is the way that Ariana has handled the situation, including her benefit concert in Manchester this Sunday, and the strength of the families that have lost loved ones in a horrific act that should never have occurred. Hate will never bring us down if we still love.

Donation page for victims of the attack, please give what you can:

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/westandtogethermanchester

Links for the photos used not taken by myself:

Interlude from the tour

Glamour Magazine article on Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande's social media:

Twitter

Instagram

Facebook Page

My social media:

Twitter

Instagram

Bloglovin'

Friends

The thing that a lot of people don't seem to realise is that the worst kind of betrayal comes from the most unexpected people. Everyone expects it to hurt the most when delivered by lovers, not friends. Never from the ones that you trusted with everything, no holds barred. The ones there since childhood. The platonic relationships that felt as immovable as a cliff. But here's the thing; one wave doesn't crumble a cliff face, but continued brushes of the sea, although seemingly harmless, will collapse the entire coastline. I think toxic friendships are like that. Those little brushes of water, the small pearls of doubt implanted in your mind? That's what crumbles you. Every small fight, every blown-off event, that's the tipping point that causes you to question everything.

That's not even the worst part. Questioning a friendship that old is like questioning your entire existence, for they are that ingrained into your soul. But people change and what once fit the pattern, no longer does, and that terrifying fact has to be accepted.

The problem with that type of ending though? The slowness of it, the excruciatingly long detangle of lives that leaves you both drained and wondering where you could possibly have clawed your way back into each others lives to become as solid again as the rock that you once were, but it cannot be done. I will argue until the extinction of time that this is the most fiercely heartbreaking disadvantage of human emotion. It makes you want to claw your very soul out, for what is your soul without them?

Hello

About Me

My name is Holly and I am 17 years old, living in a small village in England, UK. I am currently taking my A-Levels in English Literature, History, Biology and General Studies and am part of a competitive dance team, which I dearly love. I am an aspiring fashion journalist and I am hoping to do a degree in fashion communication at university next year. 

I have always been obsessed with clothes, to the point where I used to wear an average of three outfits a day simply because I couldn't choose only one outfit! (I definitely cost my parents a lot as a child!) I have a definite preference towards florals and bright colours, as I feel this is what best represents my personality through my style, however I will wear anything and everything! I 

believe that fashion should make a statement, it shouldn't simply be just something to wear; fashion should make a statement. Clothing has become a multi-billon pound industry (in 2015 the UK fashion industry contributed £28 billion to the economy) and I believe that we, as the consumer, can use this to our advantage. We can all use clothing to show our personalities and style, but we can also use it to spread a message. Fashion is a powerful commodity and it truly can make a difference if used in the right way. 

I am very excited to start this blog, as I truly have a passion for fashion (and clearly poetry!) and I love to write as much as I love to talk about clothes, which is a lot! I hope that you all enjoy reading the future posts as much as I know I will enjoy writing them and we can go forward in this world of design together. 

See you soon!

Holly x

Social Media

https://www.instagram.com/hollygrinnell_/

https://twitter.com/wowhollywow

https://www.pinterest.com/hollyg0612/

References

https://fabacus.com/overture-scm-plm/uk-fashion-industry-stats/